This is when I run. This is when I drop everything and get out.
Historically, when it feels like this I give up. I lose commitment. I run away.
When work hours are increasing, when school is at it’s peak, when outside activities are vying for my attention, when I have a long list of “get this done or fail,” then I run. I change majors. I drop the class. I quit my job. I transfer schools. I stop trying.
In the past, I have always ran. That’s why I am 26 and still in college. That is why I work in a low level position making little money, and that is why I am, in most people’s eyes, a child.
I’m at that point again. At the point of difficult busyness where I would normally turn and run away. At this point, many people would say, “Zac, this is the time that will define you as a person,” or “Zac, how you handle this type of a situation will reveal what kind of man you are,” or they might also say “Zac, this is a test to see what you are made of.”
I say no, no that isn’t true.
When I follow through with my commitments to the end for the first time ever, I will not think that I have finally arrived. I will not think that I have made it, and I will not believe that I have finally shown the world what kind of man I am. Everybody knows what kind of man I am. They have seen me reach difficult times, and they know what I will do. They know that I will run. They know that I will not follow through. They know that I will make an exhaustive list of excuses as to why I should no longer continue on this path. These excuses will be enough to convince me that I am right, and that I should quit.
No, when I follow through for the first time ever, and stick with my commitments people will know that it wasn’t because of me.
I hope that they will see how great God is, and what He can do in someone’s life. Everyone knows what I would do because they have seen it time and again, but hopefully this time they will see what God can do. Hopefully, they will see what God’s unmerited intervention in someone’s life looks like. When I finish what I have started, it will not point to the greatness of Zac, it will point to the greatness of the God because God is the one who enabled it.
I’m not saying that if you trust in God he will just give you whatever you want, and make all your dreams come true. But I am saying that God changes hearts, and God changes deepest desires, and that is what he has done in me. The difference is that God has shown me my selfishness, laziness, and lack of commitment. He has shown me my childishness and entitlement, and these are the aspects of myself that had me running from difficulty and commitment.
And now God has changed my heart and given me strength to begin to overcome these nasty parts of myself. I don’t think that I am just growing up. I don’t think that I am just coming around. I think that God has shown me grace, and that it has nothing to do with myself.
How do I know this? I know this because I have always ALWAYS made the same decision. I have always run away from my commitments. But this time I have the strength to commit. I have the strength to follow through, and I have the strength to finish what I have started because God has given it to me. I have always tried to do it on my own, and I have always been able to fail on my own, but since God has involved himself I will be able to finish.
This is the grace of God in my life. When you look at how lazy and uncommitted I have been, you can easily see how much he has done.