Letter to someone important, gush about truth, a picture of my heart, and a brief titlian (made up word meaning of, or related to the title) disclaimer—I know this has no references, backing, or quotes and I realize that it may be riddled with grammatical inaccuracies.

Dear ______,

Hey man, I know I don't talk to you enough. I know that our relationship is far from ideal, and the very fact that I am saying this in the form of a blog and not to your face just goes to show how much of a coward I really am. First off, I love you and care for you. It's hard for me to say that to anyone save Emily, but that just reveals my heart. I wanted to write you and tell you that I think about you often. And to tell you that I am afraid for you—afraid that you are depressed, unfulfilled, and desperate.

First of all, I don’t want your soul. I am not trying to get you "saved." Seriously, I am not trying to change your moral behavior in any way. I don't care if you smoke, drink, or sleep with anybody. That is not what matters. Pointing out your "sin" is only pointing out that you are a human. I don't want you to just drop everything you are doing "wrong," so that you won't go to hell. That isn't the point. I am not trying to save you from hell.

And to be honest, it doesn't even matter if you think hell is real or not right now. It doesn't matter if you think there is no right or wrong right now. It doesn't matter if you think you are happy right now. But I do know for a fact that there is something better, and I just want you to have it. I just want you to experience joy.

Man, I am not talking about a good experience—you already have those. I am not talking about fun and laughter—you already experience that. I am not talking about comfort, security, and God knows I am not talking about happiness. Man, I want you to have joy. Deep joy that last. I want you to experience complete and utter fulfillment, even if life is at its absolute worst. Even when your horrible day takes a turn for the worse, and everything you have built, everything you have created, everything for which you have worked so hard comes crashing to a halt, and all you have left is you and your joy. That is the joy I want you to have, and this is why I am writing to you.

You may not think this joy exist, and I can see why. We have been lied to our whole lives. Everything claims to fulfill. Everything claims to be the one thing that will bring joy. Everything else say's I am the end of your longing, I am the end of your searching, I am purpose. But as we find out every girl, every toy, every job, every class, every TV show, every single thing fails. It last for a while, but it fails. It stops and doesn't work any longer. We begin to realize that we are only searching for more of what we already have, and we begin to realize that it will never fulfill us.

I am sure by now you know where I am going with this. Man, there is only one thing that will bring that joy. There is only one thing that can truly fulfill your longing, searching, and desperation. You can lie to yourself. You can trick yourself. But each time it has to be more intense. We become numb to it man. The same trick doesn't last. It has to be bigger and stronger than the last time. The raves have to be louder, the sex has to be better, you have to get more smashed, you have to get more high, you have to have the better model, you have to have the prettier girlfriend, you have to have better and better and better, but it doesn't last. It can't last. It isn't God.

Do you understand you will drive yourself into the dirt trying to fill the void with something that isn't God? He is the only thing. He is the ONLY thing. Why? because you were created that way. You were made with the need for something eternal and you are trying to fill it with something temporary and it WILL NOT WORK.

Dude, just give it up. Stop searching. Not because I want you to be "good." Not because I want you to be safe. Not because I want you to adhere to some moralistic code. NO! Stop, because I want you to have joy.

Man, let Jesus fill it. Let Jesus fix it. Let Jesus be the purpose. You can lie to yourself all you want, and scream "I have a purpose," but it will fail you. It is only a matter of time.   

I know what you may be thinking at this point, and I understand why. You have experienced religion before. You have seen what Christianity is like—at least that is what you think. Have you actually read the Bible? I mean, have you sat down and read what it actually says?

Man, Christianity isn't anything like what you experienced as a kid. The Bible doesn't say, "do this, do this, and do this to get to heaven." The Bible doesn't say, "follow these rules and Jesus will love you." The Bible doesn't say your behavior is all that matters. In fact, Jesus railed against the people who acted like it did. He hated their sense of self. And I feel like this is the picture you have of Christianity. I bet you picture "good church folk" smiling at you with self-righteousness dripping from their lips. I bet you imagine "Christians" walking by you with a narrowed judgmental glare, and I bet you think of hypocritical, lying, selfish snobs every time you think of Christianity. But if you read the Bible you would quickly realize that those people have never once read anything beyond, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want."   

Did you know that Jesus ate with, hung out with, spent all of his time with whores, outcast, and men that sold out to a government that raped and murdered their fellow countrymen (tax collectors)? There isn't even a modern day equivalent to these guys (tax collectors) and Jesus ate with them. Do you realize that much of the Bible was written by murderers, adulterers, and even these "tax collectors?" This wasn't to say that we should go out and kill people, but to show that God saves "sinners." And that is the point man. We are sinners. We are all sinners. If you are a person you are a sinner, and that is what most "Christians" don't get. Sinning is simply replacing God with something that isn't Him, and we do that constantly. And that is why we do not have joy.

We all worship something. We were made to worship. So we worship sports, girls, technology, movies, ourselves, and experiences. We all do it, and it is easily seen if we simply look at where we spend our time and money. It is pretty clear that we are all worshiping something that isn't God, and those things simply are not working. That is why we are depressed, unhappy, entitled, and angry. We are unfulfilled. We are joyless.  

To be brutally honest, I am pleading with you to give up the search. Please just hand it over to God, and worship the only thing that can truly bring joy. I love you man. I want you to have joy, purpose, and true fulfillment—that is only reason I am saying any of this.

Please consider what I have said, and talk to me if you have any questions. I am by no means knowledgeable, but I can find answers. Hopefully we will talk soon.

Zac  

I need to scream it

I don't have an outlet. That is why I do this.

I have an unrelenting passion growing inside my chest, and  I do not know how to communicate it. I am not an artist. I cannot sing, I cannot play an instrument, write well, write poetry, paint, or draw.  I cannot creatively communicate what is happening in me, even though I feel a deep need to. I need to scream it.

I want to share it. I want everybody in the freaking world to know about it. I want everybody to see and fully understand what I am talking about. I haven't been able to do this, and it's been driving me crazy.

I have been given a gift. One that I did not deserve. I didn't go and accept a gift that was offered. I didn't go looking for a gift. I didn't fight my way through a horrific battle to get the reward at the end. I was just given a gift. It is hard and easy to explain.

Even so, I want you to know that it's not only for me, but also for you. Jesus didn't die just for me.

Yeah, that is what this is all about. That is my point. This is what it is all about, all the time. My mind is blown. My mind is changed, but I didn't change it. I didn't transform it. My heart is new. It is regenerated. It is beating. For the first time, I care. I care deeply and passionately about you.

Have you ever seen those videos? Those videos of open heart surgeries. The surgeons are working on this exposed heart, and it isn't responding. You can feel the tension and the fear in the room. The doctors grab these small paddles, and then place them on the heart. They send a strong electrical current through this lifeless heart. They hit it once. Suddenly--a flutter. The current reanimates a dead heart. It brings it to life.

This is what happened to me. My heart was dead--stone cold. I had nothing. One night Jesus reached down, wrapped His hand around my heart and squeezed. I felt life spring in my chest. I felt passion spreading through my veins. Jesus did something that I could not accomplish on my own. Jesus reanimated a dead heart, and brought life back to my soul. He alone did it. I didn't have anything to do with it. I didn't pray a fancy little prayer to make it happen. I wasn't extra good. I didn't go to church. I didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything. I was dead.

But now, I feel more alive than I have ever dreamed of feeling. I feel like shouting and dancing and screaming. I rarely think of anything else. I rarely care about anything else. I just want everybody to know that Jesus can bring life and joy.

I now realize that He didn't come to rob joy and take away everything that I loved, but instead, He just wanted me to know how to live. And now, I live. And now, I want you to know that you can live. Jesus loves you, and He wants you to know...He wants you to know that He is reaching to you as well. You can't run from Him and you will eventually realize that you do not want to. I am so full. I am so excited. I'm freaking pumped.

I'm always falling short

I have been struggling for a week or two on how to communicate what's been going on in my life. It might be easier to say what I know it isn't.

First, I haven't found religion. I know that all of Christianity is viewed as a religion, but when I read the Bible this doesn't line up. Like there is nowhere in the Bible where................................

blah blah blah….For some reason, I can't put it into words right now, but this guy nails it. It's "poetry," but nonetheless he says exactly what I am thinking. Eventually I'll be able to formulate it into a sentence, but not right now.

Here just watch it, sorry for the fauxblog. (just ignore the political comment at the beginning if it is bothersome...its gets much better)