WRITING IN PROGRESS (1.2) ....

Here are a few snippets of a blog I am currently working on! The newest is at the bottom. 

. . . My experiences, though, are not tragic in nature. Instead, my experiences are positive. At least, they seem positive from the outset. How can childhood encouragement shape one's identity to create in them an inclination for poor choices? This is a good question, and even though my experiences are not necessarily overarching I believe that they may shed some light on why young men (18-24) are prone to avoid commitment, and are terrified of making final decisions. . . .

. . . The phrase, "you can be anything you want to be" shaped my identity growing up. I took this phrase to heart and trusted it as "truth." I allowed this "truth" to dig itself deeply into my heart and psyche. In fact, this one phase has shaped the identity of myself and my peers so deeply that it is unlikely we will ever concede that it's not "truth." I personally believe that this phrase is a lie from hell, and that it has confused, delayed, and stunted the adulthood of my generation. I know that there is much more to blame for the continued adolescence of my peers, but this ideology has played it's horrific role. I suppose that it may be true that if you work hard enough you can achieve much. But it is simply a bold-faced, hell-bent, damnable lie to tell everybody they can literally achieve anything and everything that they want. . . .  

. . . Another word for mindset is worldview -- how we see the world, and in turn, how we interpret what we see. I believe that the phrase, ‘You can do anything you want’ points to a very specific worldview. I believe that this worldview currently saturates culture, and until very recently was how I viewed the world (however unknowingly). There are a lot of other phrases out there that contribute to this worldview -- for instance, ‘Pull yourself up by your bootstraps,’ God helps those who help themselves,’ and ‘The only obstacle is yourself.’ The common thread in these common sayings is You, and I believe that this thread is at the core of our worldview. This thread is the core of this post and this thread is the core of my issues with my childhood encouragement. These phrases contributed to one thing in my life; one incredibly horrific, life-sucking, deeply dangerous thing  -- they contributed to me making myself my own god. . . .

Observing vs. creating

I want you to see what I see. I wish I could just open your eyes to the truth that I am now beginning to understand. Unfortunately, this is not my office. I cannot make anyone understand. 

I think often of sharing truth. I want to convince you. I want you to see--finally and actually see. I want your eyes to be open to the truth of this world, to the purpose of this world, to reality. You think it is foolishness to claim that there is ultimate reality, to claim that there is ultimate truth. But that is only because your eyes are closed. 

It is not arrogant of me to claim this truth. This is not my truth. I did not decide this truth.  I did not create, pick, find, make, or invent this truth. I have simply seen this truth and I want you to see it as well. It is not arrogant of me to align myself with this truth. This truth has thousands of years of allegiance, backing, and authority. 

My friend, you are the arrogant one. You stand there by yourself and claim, "there is no truth. Truth is whatever I decide it to be. Truth is my own." You stand by yourself, in your own wisdom, and decide what is true. That is arrogance. Thinking that you, alone, are knower of true truth. Thinking that you have found, discovered, or created ultimate truth in your short, tiny lifespan. How conceited of you. How can you claim that I am the arrogant one? When all I am doing is saying, "Look, I now see truth." But you, you are saying, "I have created truth." Which is the more arrogant position, to look upon truth, or to create it out of nothing? Are you not claiming to be god--the maker of truth? Are you not claiming to be the very thing that you say does not exist? 

My friend, I find it far easier to have faith in something that has thousands of years of authority, historical backing, and a deep shared experience amongst millions, than to have faith in an idea that I, alone, have deiced to be truth. 

I only say this because I love you. I am not defending myself, even though it sounds like it. It is fine if you find my position to be arrogant. But I say all of this because I want you to see truth as it has been created by the true Maker of truth, and not truth that has been assembled by the false decider of truth--you. 

Letter to someone important, gush about truth, a picture of my heart, and a brief titlian (made up word meaning of, or related to the title) disclaimer—I know this has no references, backing, or quotes and I realize that it may be riddled with grammatical inaccuracies.

Dear ______,

Hey man, I know I don't talk to you enough. I know that our relationship is far from ideal, and the very fact that I am saying this in the form of a blog and not to your face just goes to show how much of a coward I really am. First off, I love you and care for you. It's hard for me to say that to anyone save Emily, but that just reveals my heart. I wanted to write you and tell you that I think about you often. And to tell you that I am afraid for you—afraid that you are depressed, unfulfilled, and desperate.

First of all, I don’t want your soul. I am not trying to get you "saved." Seriously, I am not trying to change your moral behavior in any way. I don't care if you smoke, drink, or sleep with anybody. That is not what matters. Pointing out your "sin" is only pointing out that you are a human. I don't want you to just drop everything you are doing "wrong," so that you won't go to hell. That isn't the point. I am not trying to save you from hell.

And to be honest, it doesn't even matter if you think hell is real or not right now. It doesn't matter if you think there is no right or wrong right now. It doesn't matter if you think you are happy right now. But I do know for a fact that there is something better, and I just want you to have it. I just want you to experience joy.

Man, I am not talking about a good experience—you already have those. I am not talking about fun and laughter—you already experience that. I am not talking about comfort, security, and God knows I am not talking about happiness. Man, I want you to have joy. Deep joy that last. I want you to experience complete and utter fulfillment, even if life is at its absolute worst. Even when your horrible day takes a turn for the worse, and everything you have built, everything you have created, everything for which you have worked so hard comes crashing to a halt, and all you have left is you and your joy. That is the joy I want you to have, and this is why I am writing to you.

You may not think this joy exist, and I can see why. We have been lied to our whole lives. Everything claims to fulfill. Everything claims to be the one thing that will bring joy. Everything else say's I am the end of your longing, I am the end of your searching, I am purpose. But as we find out every girl, every toy, every job, every class, every TV show, every single thing fails. It last for a while, but it fails. It stops and doesn't work any longer. We begin to realize that we are only searching for more of what we already have, and we begin to realize that it will never fulfill us.

I am sure by now you know where I am going with this. Man, there is only one thing that will bring that joy. There is only one thing that can truly fulfill your longing, searching, and desperation. You can lie to yourself. You can trick yourself. But each time it has to be more intense. We become numb to it man. The same trick doesn't last. It has to be bigger and stronger than the last time. The raves have to be louder, the sex has to be better, you have to get more smashed, you have to get more high, you have to have the better model, you have to have the prettier girlfriend, you have to have better and better and better, but it doesn't last. It can't last. It isn't God.

Do you understand you will drive yourself into the dirt trying to fill the void with something that isn't God? He is the only thing. He is the ONLY thing. Why? because you were created that way. You were made with the need for something eternal and you are trying to fill it with something temporary and it WILL NOT WORK.

Dude, just give it up. Stop searching. Not because I want you to be "good." Not because I want you to be safe. Not because I want you to adhere to some moralistic code. NO! Stop, because I want you to have joy.

Man, let Jesus fill it. Let Jesus fix it. Let Jesus be the purpose. You can lie to yourself all you want, and scream "I have a purpose," but it will fail you. It is only a matter of time.   

I know what you may be thinking at this point, and I understand why. You have experienced religion before. You have seen what Christianity is like—at least that is what you think. Have you actually read the Bible? I mean, have you sat down and read what it actually says?

Man, Christianity isn't anything like what you experienced as a kid. The Bible doesn't say, "do this, do this, and do this to get to heaven." The Bible doesn't say, "follow these rules and Jesus will love you." The Bible doesn't say your behavior is all that matters. In fact, Jesus railed against the people who acted like it did. He hated their sense of self. And I feel like this is the picture you have of Christianity. I bet you picture "good church folk" smiling at you with self-righteousness dripping from their lips. I bet you imagine "Christians" walking by you with a narrowed judgmental glare, and I bet you think of hypocritical, lying, selfish snobs every time you think of Christianity. But if you read the Bible you would quickly realize that those people have never once read anything beyond, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want."   

Did you know that Jesus ate with, hung out with, spent all of his time with whores, outcast, and men that sold out to a government that raped and murdered their fellow countrymen (tax collectors)? There isn't even a modern day equivalent to these guys (tax collectors) and Jesus ate with them. Do you realize that much of the Bible was written by murderers, adulterers, and even these "tax collectors?" This wasn't to say that we should go out and kill people, but to show that God saves "sinners." And that is the point man. We are sinners. We are all sinners. If you are a person you are a sinner, and that is what most "Christians" don't get. Sinning is simply replacing God with something that isn't Him, and we do that constantly. And that is why we do not have joy.

We all worship something. We were made to worship. So we worship sports, girls, technology, movies, ourselves, and experiences. We all do it, and it is easily seen if we simply look at where we spend our time and money. It is pretty clear that we are all worshiping something that isn't God, and those things simply are not working. That is why we are depressed, unhappy, entitled, and angry. We are unfulfilled. We are joyless.  

To be brutally honest, I am pleading with you to give up the search. Please just hand it over to God, and worship the only thing that can truly bring joy. I love you man. I want you to have joy, purpose, and true fulfillment—that is only reason I am saying any of this.

Please consider what I have said, and talk to me if you have any questions. I am by no means knowledgeable, but I can find answers. Hopefully we will talk soon.

Zac