I need to scream it

I don't have an outlet. That is why I do this.

I have an unrelenting passion growing inside my chest, and  I do not know how to communicate it. I am not an artist. I cannot sing, I cannot play an instrument, write well, write poetry, paint, or draw.  I cannot creatively communicate what is happening in me, even though I feel a deep need to. I need to scream it.

I want to share it. I want everybody in the freaking world to know about it. I want everybody to see and fully understand what I am talking about. I haven't been able to do this, and it's been driving me crazy.

I have been given a gift. One that I did not deserve. I didn't go and accept a gift that was offered. I didn't go looking for a gift. I didn't fight my way through a horrific battle to get the reward at the end. I was just given a gift. It is hard and easy to explain.

Even so, I want you to know that it's not only for me, but also for you. Jesus didn't die just for me.

Yeah, that is what this is all about. That is my point. This is what it is all about, all the time. My mind is blown. My mind is changed, but I didn't change it. I didn't transform it. My heart is new. It is regenerated. It is beating. For the first time, I care. I care deeply and passionately about you.

Have you ever seen those videos? Those videos of open heart surgeries. The surgeons are working on this exposed heart, and it isn't responding. You can feel the tension and the fear in the room. The doctors grab these small paddles, and then place them on the heart. They send a strong electrical current through this lifeless heart. They hit it once. Suddenly--a flutter. The current reanimates a dead heart. It brings it to life.

This is what happened to me. My heart was dead--stone cold. I had nothing. One night Jesus reached down, wrapped His hand around my heart and squeezed. I felt life spring in my chest. I felt passion spreading through my veins. Jesus did something that I could not accomplish on my own. Jesus reanimated a dead heart, and brought life back to my soul. He alone did it. I didn't have anything to do with it. I didn't pray a fancy little prayer to make it happen. I wasn't extra good. I didn't go to church. I didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything. I was dead.

But now, I feel more alive than I have ever dreamed of feeling. I feel like shouting and dancing and screaming. I rarely think of anything else. I rarely care about anything else. I just want everybody to know that Jesus can bring life and joy.

I now realize that He didn't come to rob joy and take away everything that I loved, but instead, He just wanted me to know how to live. And now, I live. And now, I want you to know that you can live. Jesus loves you, and He wants you to know...He wants you to know that He is reaching to you as well. You can't run from Him and you will eventually realize that you do not want to. I am so full. I am so excited. I'm freaking pumped.

I'm always falling short

I have been struggling for a week or two on how to communicate what's been going on in my life. It might be easier to say what I know it isn't.

First, I haven't found religion. I know that all of Christianity is viewed as a religion, but when I read the Bible this doesn't line up. Like there is nowhere in the Bible where................................

blah blah blah….For some reason, I can't put it into words right now, but this guy nails it. It's "poetry," but nonetheless he says exactly what I am thinking. Eventually I'll be able to formulate it into a sentence, but not right now.

Here just watch it, sorry for the fauxblog. (just ignore the political comment at the beginning if it is bothersome...its gets much better)